A Fading Memory
by radar123
Summary: Amie loved him. She still does, but he's dead, and she can't deal with the grief. Her mother locks her away as if she were a problem that does't need to be dealt with. When there's no one else for Amie to turn to, who does she find solace in?
1. Preface

**So here's the deal. This is my first story. Ever. I've been looking for somewhere to get it out to people other than my friends and family, and figured FanFiction would be the best place to do it. I'm not entirely sure where I'm going with it yet, but I do know that I want it to be a surprise-for me and for everyone else. If anyone does managae to read it, please be patient. This story will probably take me a while to complete, but I will try my best. Finally, I'm really looking forward to seeing what people have to say about it, so please: read, and hopefully enjoy. Constructive criticism is very welcome.**

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**Here it is:**

I lied to get away. I didn't want to, I just had to. You know that feeling you get when you know you won't leave if you get too attached? Well, that's what I feel. Always. I'm scared of getting too close, because I know that in a heartbeat I could lose it all. You must think of me as a coward, but it's really nothing like that. I wouldn't be like this if he hadn't shoved his hand into my chest, ripped my heart from the arteries connecting it to the rest of my body, and torn it to shreds. Of course, it wasn't his fault. You see, he had no say in the matter. He just died. That's really all he did. I still can't forgive him for doing it. How can I if he can't even apologize for it? I loved him. Damn it, I still do.


	2. Chapter 1

**Here's chapter one. I'm warning you right now: chapter one is not yet complete. I'm adding to my story as I write the book, so even if i write a paragraph, I will add it to here. I'm sorry if that's really annoying, but that's just how I work.**

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It's unavoidable. I'm doomed to travel in a continuous circle: my own personal hell. The trees loom ominously overhead. I should be scared, but I am not. I've been here too often to be. There's no one else here. Not even to save me. Do I even want to be saved? No, I don't think so. I enjoy the solitude too much.

There's another path that I come across as I walk, but I never deviate from my circle. It's too familiar to me now; it's my salvation-comfortable and safe. On my last lap, I stop at the singular path and stare at it. For how long, I have no clue. It could be for seconds, or it could be for hours. I begin to take a step towards it and catch a glimpse of something. It's terrifying, and beautiful. So much so that I cease to breathe as I lay my eyes upon it. It is unable to move closer than it already is, so it beckons for me. I am torn. Do I stay where I am? Do I move towards it?

Then I wake up. I feel as if I cannot escape this dream. It has haunted me every night since the accident.

Time passes swifter when I wake. Daily events no longer come as a surprise. Routine sets in. I am lifeless. Speaking becomes painful when the words are forced out of my mouth. I do not wish to talk, so why do you make me? Look into my eyes: they are blank, a canvas which needs paint to be enjoyed. I do not need paint; I need my life back. Can you not see that? Are you really so blind that you do not understand my need for interaction. And by this, I do not mean polite, forced small talk. I need intelligent, heartfelt, emotional conversations. I want to feel the swell of his heart as he looks at me. I want to experience the emotions heard with every syllable he speaks. I miss the fire in his eyes.

Reality. Again? I must not get so far ahead of myself. It only leads to disappointment. I cannot forget where I am, and how arduous the task of escaping will be. Why would you leave me here? I cannot experience the colours of life on my skin. I cannot hear him. I've forgotten beauty. You took that away from me, and that is a sin that I cannot forgive you for. Of course, you do not appreciate the things that I do. You wouldn't understand what it's like to grieve in the manner that I do. I lost everything. I'm beginning to lose my sanity, but then again, maybe that was lost along with him.

I blame you. I always have. I always will. You built me this cage, and yet you ask for my forgiveness? You know you will not get it. There are too many reasons to hate you. Allow me to escape, maybe then I won't hate you so much. Do you try to protect me? If so, then drug me, for the only danger to me is my mind.

I must get out of bed. I hear the alarm wailing from my bedside table. It no longer phases me, and I reach over to shut it off. This is my escape: the nine minutes of silence between the ringing of the alarm. I let my mind go blank during these nine minutes. This is the time that the world disappears, and all i can hear is the beating in my chest. I like to imagine that it's his heart I hear. No one can tell me otherwise. In fact, no one knows that I still picture him. I am not allowed to. I would be punished for it. They have been drugging me so that I forget him, but he has made too much of an impact on my life for me to ever forget, drugs or no drugs. He loved me more than anyone else could have, but I still believe I loved him more.

The alarm goes off for the second time. My peace is interrupted. I remove the covers and maneuver myself out of bed.


End file.
